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Confirmed: Gays Are Lacing Easter Eggs with Homosexual-Inducing Food Colorings

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Easter weekend, fast becoming known as the ‘heterosexual recruitment festival’ in the gay community, has become one of the most dangerous holidays of the year for Christian men.

The CDC reports that for the past three Easters, an increased number of men have contracted homosexuality after eating ‘pastel colored Easter eggs’  secretly laced with variants of the gender-splicing homosexual chemtrail EcoR1.

Moles within the gay community confirm that gays are using their advanced mastery of chemistry to mass-produce food coloring and covertly sell it throughout the nation in various food outlets.  When organizations and families go to dip their food in these lurid mixtures, little do they know they are setting up fathers nationwide to be preyed upon by gays waiting to partake in a new and bizarre pagan ceremony.

With athletic family-loving dads leaving themselves distracted and exposed in grassy egg-littered fields kissed by the first Spring’s sun, relaxed-fix Oxford shirts and creased chino pants giving an air of nostalgic youth to their bodies, gay men cannot help but watch from afar and salivate as they wait for their carefully planted chemtrail eggs to be found and consumed, the homosexuality taking hold in any straight males who eat the fleshy contents under the gay dyed shells.

 

Scientists working on behalf the Christian Defense League of Texas confirm tainted eggs and food coloring have already been found in 43 states.

It is estimated that 30 seconds after an egg has been dipped into a dye containing the new homosexual chemtrail reagent, all the egg underneath is ‘infected with homosexuality’ and will splice the Y-chromosome of any man who eats it, instantly inserting its payload and causing instant onset of homosexuality.

The CDL of Texas is warning men attending Easter Egg hunts to be on the ‘lookout’ of gays stalking them, waiting for them to crack into an egg they find in a fairgrounds or park area.  It is best to use the buddy-system and to only consume eggs that are pure white and prepared by a family member.

Editor’s note:  Several counties in Southern Georgia have requested agents from the CDC to visit their medical clinics early Monday morning after 19 men reported symptoms consistent with homosexuality:  fondling and groping other men, severely accented speech and feelings of absolute euphoria.

About The Author
Marion Uncmeier
Marion Uncmeier

Marion Uncmeier is a New-York based media personality and host of several adult educational programs.


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Comments(25)

  1. Reply
    Dan says

    Why must gays keep doing things like this? I remember back in the 1990s finding out about how they were lacing these weirdly soft Peeps marshmallow treats with additives that lower testosterone and increase estrogen. I had to take testosterone cream for a year after eating 20 of them.

    • Reply
      Doug says

      are you seriously retarded?

      • Reply
        AndyG says

        To much LSD ????

      • Reply
        Anita says

        That’s a good one doug!!

    • Reply
      Sandy says

      I know you’re joking, right? I’ve known many on the far Christian Right were indoctrinated idiots but eggs and peeps? C’mon. People aren’t THAT gullible. Are they? LOL 😂

      • Reply
        Patricia Fox says

        Of course people are that gullible. Look at the maroon buffoon in the a White House!

      • Reply
        Delmane says

        Sandy, you’d be bloody surprised just how much BS peoe will believe if the person writing the post/report is convincing enough……..

    • Reply
      Billy says

      OMG thanks I m just dying here…. I was just at the grocery and this year for Easter they have several even odder flavors….. sour green apple, sour red cherry….

    • Reply
      Kloe says

      You. Are. Beyond. Stupid.

    • Reply
      Sarah RN says

      I hope Dan is joking. If not, he dramatically increased his risk of certain diseases because he bought into the fear based garbage spread by our “Christian” media. Darwinism at work.

    • Reply
      Conrad says

      On a serious not, everyone, there ARE oestrogen mimickers such as BPA that we are exposed to daily in plastics and a host of other household materials. The skyrocketing cancer rates and plummeting male fertility rates that we have been seeing over the last few decades are no accident. And given the fact that chemicals like BPA interfere with sex hormones, it’s not all too ridiculous to say they may affect one’s sexuality. And, no, I don’t believe its the community who is poisoning the world. We are being poisoned by the disease industry for profit and depopulation under Agenda 21 in the name of ‘sustainability’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtCpMilUtdI

  2. Reply
    IL Rockwell says

    This article cracked me up. I couldn’t help but chuckle. It is obviously a work of satire. Praise Allah that such ridiculousness isn’t real.

  3. Reply
    Super Gay says

    Dammit guys! Foiled again. They’re onto us. We’ll have to make our meetings more private next time. Out the moles!

  4. Reply
    Klaus says

    As someone who has basic understanding of cellular biologie and biochemistry I have a few questions.
    1. What is the “gender-splicing homosexual chemtrail EcoR1”? Is there structual data, ways of synthesis or scientific publications regarding that compound?
    2. How could a chemical compound like EcoR1 alter DNA? It would be the first synthetic compound to alter (not damage) DNA in a living cell.
    3. Where is the genetic information stored that is imparted into the DNA?
    4. Why is this process not reversed by the proteins that repair damages in DNA molecules caused by, for example, radioaktivity.
    5. How does the EcoR1 compound pass the Eggshell and contaminate the whole egg in less than 30 seconds?
    6. Was this confirmed by any independet sources?
    7. Why is the EcoR1 compound not metabolized or excreeted by the body like other large chemical compounds?

    Thanks for your answers in advance,
    sincerly Klaus

    • Reply
      John Chalmers says

      EcoR1 is well-known restriction enzyme.

    • Reply
      Fred says

      How about a basic understanding of spelling? Biologie? Really?
      Anything you wrote after YOUR VERY FIRST SENTENCE automatically disqualifies ANYTHING you had to say…..so…..sad.

  5. Reply
    Becky says

    Well this proves it, you can’t fix stupid!

    • Reply
      Winston says

      But you can exploit it. Very profitable.

      • Reply
        Winston says

        Funny, its 7:32 AM where I am posting from yet look at the time stamp. Almost as if this web blog was further east than East Coast of the US. Humm?

  6. Reply
    PETER P VESESKIS says

    Omg food coloring is used in cake frostings too…no one is safe

  7. Reply
    Lynda says

    this is ABSOLUTELY SATIRE!! Lord people lighten up. Get over your pretentiousness hindered political correctness & laugh. It was funny.

  8. Reply
    Stefani says

    Valuable information. Lucky me I found your web site by accident, and I am shocked why this accident did not happened earlier! I bookmarked it.

  9. Reply
    johnf.mcgillicutty says

    This is satire conceived by someone trying to make normal people look bigoted for not accepting sexual perversion as normal. Homosexuality is a conscious decision to have sexual desires for someone of the same sex and a person of average intelligence knows that it can’t be surreptitiously imposed upon anyone.

  10. Reply
    Renie says

    It’s even worse than the article states. After males consume the contaminated eggs, they end up contaminating the water supply when they defecate. It’s only a matter of time before all of the water in the US is contaminated and all males have been exposed. There is no antidote and the CDC is keeping that information from the public to avoid a mass panic. Soon every male in the country will be gay. What a way to cut down on overpopulation.

  11. Reply
    Rainbow Rager says

    It’s all good were all set to test our new sexual uninhitbiter LGBT 472 for Pridefest 2017

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