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Gays Invent Mini-Crossbow To Shoot Straight Men With Homosexual Chemtrail Tipped Toothpicks and Turn Them Gay

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Gays have invented a new state-of-the-art mini-crowbow to shoot straight men in the neck with weaponized toothpicks to turn them gay.

Scientists with the CDC report all across the nation medical clinics are reporting straight men being brought in with symptoms consistent with raging homosexuality.  Clinical review of the patients reveal they have several small puncture wounds to the neck region created by a high velocity, spear-like projectile.  The blood contains high-levels of homosexual chemtrail.

Investigation into this new phenomena shows that all across the nation, an organized effort of gays to recruit as many heterosexuals as possible is taking place.  Gays have given this effort a friendly name of ‘Pride Month’, but those within the know in the gay community secretly call it the Homosexual Recruitment Festival.

Moles within the gay community reveal that gays pooled their vast wealth and knowledge of advanced mechanical engineering to create a mini crossbow that can shoot a toothpick with great accuracy over a distance of 100 yards.  This was allegedly done so that gays could ‘pick off straight men at the length of a football field’, meaning even the most toned and tight athletes are at risk.

The Christian Defense League of Texas is warning men to keep their guard up and be wary of any sudden ‘pinches’ to the neck or body.  Though the heats of summer are high, it is advised to wear a turtle neck mesh with long sleeves or even an ascot-like tie around the neck to help protect from puncture wounds.

Researchers report that since Monday morning, over 126 men have been hit by one of these weaponized chemtrail toothpicks with an unknown number already succumbed to homosexuality still roaming the street, likely in the throws of unbridled homosexuality typical of the lurid chemical concoction.  When these men come to, the CDC warns all they will have us groggy, shameful memories of committing all sorts of gay acts with the men who shot them down in the first place, so timing is of the essence in getting medical treatment.

About The Author
Marion Uncmeier
Marion Uncmeier

Marion Uncmeier is a New-York based media personality and host of several adult educational programs.

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Comments(18)

  1. Reply
    Samuel says

    I kept telling everyone if you give gays an inch, they will take awhile mile. Now look at this andvtl me theyvsrevso innocent. LEAVE My FAMILY out of your agenda and don’t dare shot your arrows at me!

    • Reply
      Mike says

      Jesus h christ Samuel, you really thought this was a real thing!?! LOL. Bless your heart.

    • Reply
      Tj says

      wow your dumb! 😳

    • Reply
      Pedro says

      Omg you are an idiot if you believe this. Maybe you should believe this and you are just angry that none of us use this crossbow on you. So now not only do women not want you, but now you have to feel rejection from us gays. Wah wahhhhhhhhhhh. Must suck that no one wants to see you naked.

    • Reply
      Austin says

      Your son is already on the list, make sure he wears a turtleneck 😉

    • Reply
      Asher says

      Aw c’mon bro. Dont want no wee?! it aint gay if you just try it.

  2. Reply
    Cam Simon says

    I love how straight men twitch right as the homosexuality sets in. The key is to hit them with three arrows at one time, they get near instant rigor mortis in the pants 😙

  3. Reply
    Joe says

    For those who don’t get it, it’s sarcasm. It’s playing off the idea that some paranoid people are worried about The Gay Agenda, to convert all het people -> gay. At the same time, it’s also playing off the chemtrails conspiracy nuts.

    It’s funny. You know. Ha. Ha.

    • Reply
      Michael says

      Chemtrails have been proven. It’s not a theory, it’s a fact. 🙂

  4. Reply
    Henry says

    Are people really this stupid?

    • Reply
      Dan Shackelford says

      Yes, people are really this stupid. The “homosexual chemtrails” propaganda has been around a long time. I have also heard that chemtrails are a government plot to make people slaves to authority figures/to sterilize people/to lower IQs/to kill racial minorities/etc.

    • Reply
      Swan77 says

      They even reported on the 700 club that gay men would wear a ring infected with HIV blood to pupurpise infect people. Yes, they are this dumb…

  5. Reply
    Gayle says

    I just want to see a bunch of paranoid straight guys wearing turtleneck mesh shirts with
    ascots.

  6. Reply
    John Crawford says

    Amazing.

  7. Reply
    Laurie says

    You realize some idiots are going to take this seriously. Will probably end up as a warning on an alt-conservative page. 😂😂

  8. Reply
    Tom says

    Now it is easy to identify all those idiots: They are waering toothpick safe armor from now on.

  9. Reply
    Steve says

    Does it cause Autism too?

  10. Reply
    Dennis Dalton says

    My brother’s daughter got into that gothics crowd some time ago and shopped all her attire at the Hot Topic store at the mall. I hate to admit it but I went there over the weekend and bought some of those neck chokers they use in their vampire rituals and you know what, I am putting several of them under my collar this summer just to be safe. They have spikes and made from leather, pretty durable. I hate to gave them dark folks my money but I am not trying to turn gay here.

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