Only In American

Mother’s Day DIY Cards

Jaret McClosky — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 00:26:58 +0000

For those who like the more rustic, homemade gift ideas A Thrifty Mom has posted an awesome, DIY cards tutorial that shows exactly how to make great cards on a budget. This is a great idea especially for kids or teachers who are helping students make late year gifts for mom.

With Mother’s Day right around the corner I wanted to share this paper flower craft. I made these with my little girls and they loved them!

You will need

Patterned scrapbook paper (double sided is best) for 5 circles and a base

Glue

Button

straw or chop stick ( to use as your flower stem)

Circle punch ( I used the 1 1/4 in circle punch) or something round to trace so you can out out circles

Beautiful Image of Hyrule Field (Zelda)

admin — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 10:52:47 +0000

In this image, Zelda overlooks Hyrule Field. This image is a composite piece put together by a very talented user on Deviant Art. The original images contain several various scenery images, one of which contains a person fit enough to be a model. You can check out the very neat before and after images.

Before

After

Chinese Create New Transgender Species

Jaret McClosky — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 02:02:04 +0000

The dangerous and evil anti-American Chinese empire had created a new transgender super-species called a Yaoiming. Yaoiming is the Chinese word for ‘homoman’ and we can see in the following image, their agenda and science in this field is frightening.

While American president George W. Bush banned study of stem cells, the Chinese routinely abort female fetuses and then use their totipotent stem cells for unthinkable genetic research. The Chinese have somehow crafted a being with the power and mind of a man, as we can tell by this beings strong chin and unpredented Asian facial hair growth, with the sultry body of a female. The Chinese creature contains mammalian ludicrosities in proporatino also not common for an Asian.

Amazing Before and After Pictures of 9/11

Full House, Tournament Fighter

Jaret McClosky — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 01:06:51 +0000

The Best Game Ever would be Full House, Tournament Fighter. Imagine putting the cast of Full House into the awesome that was Street Fighter (II, of Course).

Danny would wield Mr. Clean and secretly Dr. Jokes, while Gibbler’s feet crushed poor Uncle Jessie. Though come to think of it, Steve would probably be the most able fighters of all the cast. Comet would probably be quite formidable as well.

God Smashes Vancouver with 6.4 Earthquake for Not Fully Supporting War on Terror (9/11)

Jenny C. Vossand — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 00:37:55 +0000

God’s anger with the world for not fully supporting America she she mourned and punished terrorists after 9/11 is being made known. Yesterday, God lashed out at Southern California’s comedians by throwing the entire region into darkness with a massive power outage. Now, the Canadians are being struck down with a massive 6.4 earthquake!

Canada is a nation full of small homes and paltry businesses. Polling data indicate over 90% of Canadians live within 200 miles of America’s border, trying to keep safe by proxy from Russians and terrorists alike, emulating our culture all the while. Yet, when the Muslim Community attacked America on 9/11, the Canadians and our European ‘allies’ did not fully turn their armies over to President George W. Bush. They did not mercilessly attack our enemies, but rather, schemed to make their money more powerful than ours during our time of need.

While the Europeans schemed and more their ‘Euro’ more powerful and made backside deals with the Chinese, the Canadians began to ship more of their loonies and annoying little female headed coins that look like pennies and nickels with a ridge into the pockets and change drawers of Americans. They did this until in 2010, the unthinkable happened when the loonie surpassed the dollar by almost 20%.

This 6.4 Vancouver Earthquake is well-timed and God will continue to grab the attention of our betrayers on the 10 year anniversary of 9/11.

Joe Theismann Cannot Tolerate Brandon Banks Hot-dogging Touchdown

Thad Connely — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 09:38:59 +0000

As Washington Redskins’ Brandon Banks started to celebrate his 95-yard return for a touchdown by casually dropping the ball on the goal line, TV announcer and sports analyst Joe Theisman exploded with magnificent fury.

The line had been drawn: this return and hot-dogging celebration by Brandon Banks could not be let go uncritiqued. In an impressive display of digust and distaste, Theismann lectured the audience on the finer aspect of bad sportsmanship and its detriment to humanity.

“Is it so difficult in this day and age, running the ball into the end zone? I mean, I do not think that football has changed so much that you do not hit score. It’s that simple. It is that simple. I mean, you know, why do not you start, you know what, if you are running and give it to an officer that you do not have to worry about something like that. This is stupid. It’s stupid hot dogging. ” – Joe Theismann, laying down the law.

Obama Bows Before Boehner

Jaret McClosky — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 14:08:10 +0000

Barack Hussein Obama is being taught his place.

Speaker of the House Boehner ruined Obama’s plan to brainwash America with a long, droll teleprompter speech about ‘job creation’. With so many Americans standing unemployed in the welfare line, it is very easy to see that Obama has not created jobs in 3-years-time and is only wasting our money.

Speaker Boehner told Obama that he would not be speaking before Congress and the nation on Wednesday and changed the speech to Thursday. Like a good boy being scolded by his stern, wise father, Obama relented.

Thursday night is also the opening day of NFL regular season, where the Super-bowl champion Green Bay Packers will be playing the New Orleans Saints. Obama’s speech will surely capture a decent part of the leftover tv audience.

Silver Daddy Alec Baldwin has 27-Year-Old Girlfriend Named Hilaria Thomas

Jaret McClosky — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 13:49:56 +0000

We’ll start out on the honesty train today. I could not tell you why Alec Baldwin is famous. Up until drooling over his 27-year-old girlfriend Hilaria Thomas about 3 hours ago, I thought his name was actually Alex Baldwin. I’ve recognized his pudgy face from some random television commercials but who would have thought that a 53-year-old man could find true love with a, personality, as beautiful as Hilaria Thomas’.

In a true story of Hollywood love and triumph, the big news today is that Alec Baldwin is dating a very nice young lady named Hilaria Thomas. In Hollywood, true romance still exists and it is very common for nice, stately old men to have a fairy-tale dating month with someone 30 years younger and have true love conquer all. It gives all of us men hope.

I would like to think I could live my entire younger life with all types of awesome parties and video gaming sessions, totally ignoring my growing belly that fills up on Taco Bell by the day. When I finally tire of my rabid lifestyle of greasy foods, video games and woo-ha bars on the weekends, I could settle into my 50s and have a buxome, young post-undergrad student come and fall in love with me due to my large sense of humor and my larger love handles. It happened for Alec and it can happen for any of us guys too.

This is a great story of inspiration.